Change how you react

What a powerful statement. 

You can't change other people.  This is so very true.  And yet, we seem to spend so much time taking actions and saying things to do just that.  ​​

\We tend to blame others people for situations that arise - he shouldn't have, they shouldn't have.  Certainly when someone says something hurtful we have a right to feel hurt.  But we really can't stop that person from saying hurtful things.  We can ask them to - we can yell at them, we can discuss politely - we can do all these things, but still they may choose to continue to say hurtful things.

There are only two ways to deal with these difficult situations - distance yourself from the person or change how you respond to them.   Sometimes we can remove hurtful people from our lives - but if this person is a family member, or a work colleague - the most powerful thing we can do is change how we react to it.

We can look within ourselves to change how we react to this situation - to change our emotional response to the situation.  We develop automatic emotional responses through our life history which occur before we have time to think about it.  A person says a hurtful thing and an angry response explodes before a second thought can form.  The statement is not true - HOW DARE THEY! Regardless of true or not - the unpleasant feeling of anger and then maybe shame for being angry is experienced.  

By reflecting on this situation during a quiet time, or using reflective questioning may uncover an earlier experience of being hurt from an untruth which has left a residual and automatic feeling of anger and shame even though the statement is untrue.  Through understanding this trigger, and practicing to replace the response with an alternative the unpleasant response can be avoided.

It is important to understand that the person doing wrong is doing wrong - there is no getting around that - but changing oneself can provide relief from an unpleasant situation.

​Have an amazing day.